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Movies for the Masses Forums  |  Networking  |  The Writer's Web  |  Topic: Torque 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « previous next »
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Author Topic: Torque  (Read 4284 times)
Rorschach
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« on: August 07, 2007, 01:27:46 AM »

I saw him  for the first time in awhile. He had become gross and distorted, not quite grotesque but transformed in that sad way that people begin to twist into as life doesn't pan out the way they fancied.

« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 09:40:49 AM by Rorschach » Logged

"Existance is random.  Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long.  No meaning save what we choose to impose."

LocusLogica
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Karate Choppa!!!!


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« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2007, 02:26:13 PM »

I saw him  for the first time in awhile. He had become gross and distorted, not quite grotesque but more (add adjective here) in that sad way that people begin to twist into as life doesn't pan out the way they fancied.

also "to twist into as life" seems somewhat awkward.
« Last Edit: August 07, 2007, 02:51:34 PM by Mr. Admin » Logged

Rorschach
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« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2007, 10:03:34 AM »

I saw him  for the first time in awhile. He had become gross and distorted, not quite grotesque but transformed in that sad way that people begin to twist into as life doesn't pan out the way they fancied.  As I sat in his kitchen, I could not help but recall the saccharine memories of our youth and tried to resolve those impressions with the apparition that I saw before me.  He took an egg from the fridge and some boxed sausages from the freezer, the kind hawked by that retired tv cowboy.  God did anyone know who he was anymore?  Religated to wearing a checked shirt and string tie - look at me buy my meat - brown and served just like on the farm...

I declined his offer to share his bounty.  He mumbles something, shuffles over to the stove and slaps a slab of butter into a pan.  Shifting his weight, standing before the fire in boxers, slippers and an all too undersized robe - it is just now that I notice that it is most likely belongs on a woman.  The egg sizzles and pops in the pan, his eyes squinting at the yoke as if he was attempting to stare into the sun.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 10:04:40 AM by Rorschach » Logged

"Existance is random.  Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long.  No meaning save what we choose to impose."

LocusLogica
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« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2007, 02:26:23 PM »

It's looking very good but there are a good deal grammatical errors/poor english
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